In which Taylor starts preschool and I feel like someone is pulling my heart out of my chest

When I decided to sign Taylor up for preschool this past February, it seemed like the logical decision with a baby on the way and with her turning three. All of her little friends were already in some sort of a preschool program, and I had heard wonderful things about North Asheville Preschool. So when we were accepted for the following school year, I was ecstatic. And so was Taylor. And every time we drove past NAP this summer on our way to the pool, I would slow down and say, Hey Taylor, What's that? And she would squeal back, MY SCHOOL!

And then a few weeks ago we got a note in the mail from NAP saying that Taylor was in Miss Kim's class this year, and that the beginning of the year was starting at the end of the month. And, Oh my goodness!, we were so excited. We bought a lunchbox and a backpack, and took a big black Sharpie marker and inscribed Taylor Amys on everything that she would be taking to school. We went to the NAP open house on Wednesday morning and met Miss Kim and looked around her classroom. And as we were walking out of the school and I asked her what she thought, she said, This place is way more awesome than the Y. And that made me smile, because I know how much she loves playing with her friends at the gym's childwatch. So we left feeling good, and feeling ready for the big day.

And TODAY was the big day. The first day of preschool.

And while we were physically all ready to roll this morning, I felt like there was a lump in my throat the entire time we were gathering and moving ourselves into the car. And I totally poured two enormous cups of coffee down my throat before we left and was too nervous to eat breakfast, so I was a hot mess once we actually got to the school. Luckily my little student was calm and collected.

And once we got up to her classroom and I shakily unloaded all of Taylor's gear over to Miss Kim, I watched as my amazing daughter checked out her new space and got right to work playing with a dress-up doll toy.

And then it was time to say, Goodbye. And, with Luke attached to me in the Ergo, I leaned down and said, Honey, Mom and Luke have to go now, but we'll be back in few hours to pick you up. Have so much fun! I LOVE YOU! And, y'all, I managed to say all of this WITHOUT crying. So when she threw her arms around my neck and said, Buh-bye, Mom, I kissed her head, got up and backed out of the room. And she didn't even look up to see if I was gone. She was fine.

And I managed to get down the hall and out the door and put my sunglasses on before my eyes started to tear up. And every familiar face I passed must have recognized my pain, because I got lots of hugs and words of encouragement. First days are tough. But she'll be just fine. And I thanked everyone for talking me off the ledge, got Luke into his car seat and drove home, calling Chris on the way to let him know how awesome Taylor did.

And when I got home, I put Luke down for his nap and went right into packing-for-a-trip mode, doing laundry, sorting clothes and making lists of what not to forget for tomorrow's flight back to the farm. And after Luke woke up and I fed and played with him for a bit, it was already time to go back and get her. And while even though NAP offers to bring your child to your car, Luke and I went in to get her. And as I was walking in, Miss Kim stopped me and said how great she did on her first day, and then I saw her, and it was almost like she had grown in the four hours she was there, as all the sudden this not-my-little-baby-Taylor came running up to me, smiling and sweaty from recess, so excited to tell me all about everything.

And after getting the run down of what she did, who she played with and all the new nameless friends she made, I asked her, So. Do you want to go back? And she responded, YES MOM! immediately. And I love that. And I am so proud of her.