38 weeks pregnant

I am now 38 weeks pregnant with the bean. Or shall I say the watermelon. Because even considering the amount of cheese balls and milkshakes I’ve been consuming lately, I don’t think anyone would believe something teeny-tiny is living inside this magnificent, ginormous belly.

Yes, folks. We are getting very close to meeting Baby. At Monday’s appointment, Dr Simmons announced that I am a good three, almost four, centimeters dilated, my cervix is 50% effaced and the head has dropped at least two positions in the past month. Which is pretty much where my body was with Taylor when I was checked just days before going into labor with her.

And two days ago, after a pretty active day that included working out and then walking all around three different superstores looking for birthday party favors, I got home and felt really shaky and crampy. And after a few consistent Braxton Hicks contractions, I was finally hit with a real, bona fide contraction. And it literally took my breath away. And a half hour later I had another one. And then Chris started pacing between rooms, announcing, THIS is IT! It’s gonna happen tonight. To which I responded, NO! This is nothing. This is normal. We are NOT having this baby tonight.

And my denial was wrapped around a number of things. One, I really don’t want the bean to come before Taylor’s birthday this weekend. My little Princess has been blabbering and twirling in anticipation of her big birthday and fantastic Strawberry Shortcake party for the past three months. I have ordered the cake, the balloons and have gotten everything all ready to go. If we don’t have this party this weekend, she’ll be crushed. And while I know that our children are obviously going to have their birthdays super close together, I really don’t want them to share the SAME day. You only get one special, YOU-day a year... And I want each of my munchkins to have their own, separate day to be worshipped and spoiled rotten.

The second reason I willed myself out of labor was because I am not totally done getting things ready for a newborn. In fact, when I told Chris it wasn’t happening, he looked at me funny and said, Um, Why not? And I, in all seriousness, snapped back, Because we don’t have wipes. We can’t have a baby if we don’t have WIPES! And I haven’t cleaned up and organized the changing table yet... How can we bring a baby home if we don’t have anywhere to change it’s diapers? Oh, and the dress I want to wear to the hospital is dirty. I don’t have anything to wear! And when he joked back and rolled his eyes at all my lame excuses, I shot him with my This-is-NOT-funny-because-I’m-totally-freaking-out look. And he stopped laughing and mocking me. Because he’s smart.

And the third reason I used my mind to stop the baby from coming was because after that first, hard contraction, I remembered how bad labor is going to hurt. Up until that point, I hadn’t even really thought about the actual process of delivering this baby. I had packaged all of my pregnancy-thoughts around how Taylor would handle everything, how we’re going to fit another person in our house and how I’m going to keep it together once I’m staying home full-time with TWO kids. And once my stomach twisted in half and my breath was knocked out of me, I immediately thought, Oh man, this is really going to HURT! And I flashed-back to walking through the house while in hard labor with Taylor, stopping to lean against a wall and having the intense pain radiate through my entire core that left me panting and hysterical. And this was happening in five minute intervals, and lasted about 20 hours. Woo-boy! Sometimes it’s best to forget the gory details... But having that contraction the other night brought everything back. And it scared the bejeezus out of me.

Oh, and Ruby was following, correction STALKING, me the entire time I was in false labor. She would just sit there and stare at me, like, Dude. You’re having a baby tonight. Please remember to feed me before you leave for the hospital. And the fact that she was so sketched about the whole thing really got me nervous, because the night we went into real labor with Taylor, Ruby jumped on our bed right before the first contraction and woke us up, warning us that something was about to go down.

But apparently my Jedi-mind was strong enough to postpone labor that night, and after a few hours I settled down and felt fine. And after a good night’s sleep, yesterday I spent the entire day getting everything else ready for Baby – I set up the changing table, did a million loads of laundry, bought wipes and other baby-essentials and I finished packing the hospital bags. And I pretty much avoided eye contact with Ruby the whole day.

So not only was the false labor enough to get us physically ready for Baby to come, it also forced me to get my emotions and anxiety in check. When we found out we were pregnant this past August, we were overwhelmed with the thought of having a new, amazing person join our family. And as the months have passed we have become more and more excited to meet this baby. But as with any significant, foreseeable change, our enthusiasm is coupled with fear. And I don’t want that to sound bad... But it is what it is. As thrilled as we are to have a teeny, precious baby in our arms again, we’re scared. Just like we were scared when we had Taylor. And I don’t think admitting that is wrong... I just think it’s the truth.

So here we are, just days away from bringing home Baby. And while I obviously have a million feelings and check-lists swirling through my pregnant brain, more then anything, we are really anxious to meet this little bean. And to find out if it’s a boy or a girl. And I’m so glad we waited to find out the sex until the big push, because I really do think the anticipation of seeing if it’s a he or a she is going to give me that extra boost of energy towards the end of labor. We’ve got both names ready to go, and can’t wait to meet Taylor’s new baby brother or sister and share the news with everyone.

And while I know it’s going to be a painful process to meet this little bean, just the thought of being able to smooch its face and cuddle it into my arms makes my heart race. And I know that as soon as it is placed on my chest and I wrap myself and my heart around it, all fear will be replaced with absolute love.

We are so close to meeting you, Baby, and welcoming you to our crazy, wonderful family