Taylor the big sister

Because Luke was born so early in the morning, by the time we were moved up to the Mother-Baby unit and got settled, it was already around 10. And since Ruby had been left inside our house since seven the night before, Chris excused himself and went home to give our four-legged child some much needed attention, and then went and picked up Taylor from the Scully house to bring her to the hospital and meet her new baby brother.

And when the two of them walked into my room, even though I had just kissed her goodbye a mere 16 hours previous, it was like my precious girl had doubled in size. And when she ran to my bed to see me, I pulled her up and into my covers and just snuggled her grown-up body and smelled her hair. And then we asked her if she’d like to meet her brother, Luke, who was sleeping in the bassinette beside us. So Chris handed him to us, and then we watched as proud parents as our two precious children introduced themselves to one another.

Taylor was very curious and cautious at first. Being very gentle, wanting to feel his baby skin and tickle his soft cheeks. Even her voice got soft and shrill, and she kept reaching for his face saying, Hey, Yuke. Cootchie cootchie coo. And then she’d hover over him and give him kisses on his tender head.

And then after about five minutes of total sweetness, she turned to me and said, Hey, What you wearing? Why you still in your jammies? I’m hungry. Can we watch cartoonies? And we soon realized that the absolute worse place for a three year old to hang out was in a hospital room. Between the Emergency-call buttons, non-stop nurse check-ins, limited cable channels and the small number of toys and snacks I packed for her in my bag, she only last a few hours until I had Chris take her home for a nap.

And after we all got a few hours of rest, my two-person support team came back with dinner that evening. And while she was again super excited to see us, the boredom and confined space of the hospital room created a more stressful situation then we had expected. And when they left to go home for the night, she got all emotional because I was staying with Luke. But, WHY Mama staying? I want Mama come home. And I assured her that she would come back to see us in the morning, and that tomorrow night I would be tucking her in and reading her books.

The next day, as we were waiting for Luke to get all his tests and procedures done and get both he and I discharged, Chris and I just took turns chasing Taylor-the-cyclone-of-destruction around the hospital room until the nurses finally gave the okay. And the scene of the four of us leaving was like a traveling circus – Me being pushed in a wheelchair while holding all of our stuff, Chris carrying Luke in his carseat and Princess Taylor running back and forth between the two of us, generally stopping short right in front of me causing the nurse to hit the brakes and almost propelling me off the chair. All while our exhausted selves tried to stay calm and sweet with our daughter, Honey, PLEASE keep walking!, I was totally starting to lose it. And it didn’t help that I could hear that nurse snickering the entire journey to our car... This is your life now, Sweetheart. Absolute chaos.

And after successfully getting home and letting Taylor go loose on all her new birthday toys, things got a lot better. She burned off some energy, we were able to get comfortable and then she wanted to pay attention to her little brother some more. And while she was still very sweet with him, this time she was a lot less gentle. Poking him in the eyes, pinching his nose and manhandling his toes. So right off the bat, Chris and I strictly enforced the You-have-to-ask-Mom-or-Dad-before-trying-to-hold-Luke rule. And I realized that we are not going to be able to leave the two of them in a room alone for a while. And that Luke is going to be one tough little dude.

So while her affection is a bit rough, it seems to be all in good will. Whenever she hears Luke cry or grunt, she’ll run over and say, It’s okay, Yu-key! And she’ll bring him one of her toys or grab a blanket to cover him up with.

But I can say that we have had a few emotional breakdowns as well. On Sunday morning, while I was nursing Luke upstairs, she and Chris started walking downstairs to get breakfast ready. And she was so confused why I was staying with Luke instead of coming down with them, and I heard her tearfully say to Chris, Dad, why we have Yuke? And he said, So you can be a big sister, Honey. And she whined right back, I don’t wanna be a big sister anymore. And then my heart broke.

And after getting home from Luke’s doctor appointment that afternoon, I fed our baby boy, handed him to Chris and then took Taylor on a Mother-Daughter date, where we went to Target to pick out new big girl undies and then to Cold Stone Creamery to get ice cream. And it was wonderful. And as I sat there and watched her lick her bowl of strawberry ice cream with rainbow sprinkles clean, I made a mental note of how easy it was to do this hour-long outing, and how much it meant to my super special girl to once again command all of my attention. And how awesome it made me feel too. Because I love her so much, and the last thing I want in all of this is to take my exhaustion and frustration out on my fabulous three-year old ball of love. This is an adjustment for her too. And we are going to rock it together.